I haven't posted in over three months, so I'm beginning to think that I'm just not into blogging anymore. That's not to say I'll never blog again, I just feel I don't have much to say at the moment, and I'd much rather just talk to people. The need for the blog in the first place was that we were living in an awkward time zone, and because of that talking to people on the phone proved both irritating and expensive.

If you miss my rants and raves or just want an update, pop me an email or get ahold of me on facebook, and I'd love to fill you in on the latest.

Ciao for now.

This is a panorama shot, four pictures stitched together in photoshop, of Devil's Dyke. I had posted it to my facebook account, but facebook downsized it. So I'm hoping that posting it here will offer a better viewing experience.

In order to see the high resolution view there are a couple things you can do. You can right-click and choose to save or download the picture, or you can hold ctrl (on the pc, or command on the mac) and click the picture, which will open it in a new tab (as long as you are using Firefox or IE or a similar browser that supports tabbed browsing).

It's been an interesting week. I have to go to my assessment day and final interview for Lloyds TSB on Wednesday, but to make a little extra cash in the meantime I did some temp work this week. Officially I was a 'post room operative', but it was basically eight straight hours of opening returned bank mail and sorting it into piles. Funnily enough, the post room was in charge of sorting the mail for Lloyds, which was pure coincidence.

Before working there I hadn't given much thought to identity theft or how it could really happen, other than people rooting through your rubbish. I got to see how mail rooms are a HUGE security hole and could provide identity thieves with many opportunities for raw material. I was opening thousands of letters a day and had access to names, dates, account numbers and other sensitive data. There was a camera up in the corner, but as far as I could tell that was the extent of the surveillance in the room. I also had access to pens and paper and could have written down any of the data I saw. Nobody checked my bags or pockets at the doors; in fact, the security was frighteningly lax. I was issued a security card to gain entrance into the building, but that was the extent of it. Just so we're clear: I didn't do anything I shouldn't have done, nor was I tempted. I was just shocked at how relaxed everyone was about such sensitive data in the hands of average joe workers.

The post room job was technically straight forward and should have been really boring, but it was really interesting and I actually learned some things. First, I'm not nearly as far in debt as I could be. Second, all those scary letters people get from the bank are computer generated and shouldn't be taken personally. Third, if you ever have accounts in arrears and they threaten to take legal action, they do! I opened so many letters that had to do with collections and courts and legal fees, etc; I was quite taken aback by how much court time must be taken up with collections alone.

FYI: don't EVER send cash in the mail. It can and does easily slip through the cracks and is totally untraceable. You've been warned. No, I didn't see any nefarious behaviour, but like I said before, the security was very lax and nobody was watching the cash handlers that I could see. And honestly, how dumb are you if you have to send cash to pay your bills? Who doesn't have a legitimate bank account these days?

We had a lovely day yesterday in the sunshine, which was a real treat after a week of perpetual gray, and took a bus out of the city to an area called Devil's Dyke. Basically it's a pub surrounded by farms and a sharp valley, with hiking trails and forests scattered about. We both had a lot of fun and got very sun burnt. I'm writing this from my laptop, so I won't be able to post any of the pictures. If you want to see them I'll be posting them on my facebook account in the next few days.

It turns out the sun was visiting just for the weekend, and it's back to the gloomy wetness that England is so famous for. We definitely didn't move here for the weather!

Wow, two posts in one week! Look out, I might make a habit of this blogging stuff!

I went back into the recruitment agency this afternoon for my telephone interview, and I can safely say I've never been so scared in my life. I was given a stack of information about Lloyds as well as a website before I had to call them (yes, I had to call them. Cheeky bastards). I was shaky and nervous and my hands were clammy, and my hands never get clammy. I got my own quiet little office to make the call, which was great, nobody could hear me practicing my name and the different intonation possibilities my prepared introduction. How embarassing, the call may or may not have been recorded for "training purposes" as well. As if the staff don't have a riotous laugh at staff parties playing back all the retarded phone calls they get in day.

Anyway, it went very well and I passed the phone interview. Yay! Now I've been shortlisted and have been invited to attend a further assessment/selection day. There, we'll get a tour of the offices, have a face to face interview, do some role playing (not that kind ;) and then even get to listen in on some calls. Excellent. I'm gonna totally kick ass at the role play part.

Alas, this assessment day isn't until Sep. 3, so I think I get another two weeks to sit and contemplate the world. The temp agency is going to see if there's any work I can do in the meantime to earn my keep. Actually, I have enough money at the moment to not really worry, but I'd like to be able to afford my lattes again.

*Sniff*

I miss coffee!

Look at all the lovely seagulls...

o
Well, we've been in Brighton for nearly three weeks now, and so far, so good. I can't say it's perfect, England definitely has it's downsides, but for the most part, we're enjoying it here.

Probably the hardest part right now is that neither of us really have jobs yet. Rob has had some interest from one of the top salons, Rush; but he's still waiting for that crucial call back. If they do ask him back for the interview, he'll need to get a model and do some kick ass hair in front of the managers and owners. That would frighten me if I had to do it, so I'm glad it's him and not me!

I thought I had a job lined up, but again, I'm waiting for the call back. I got an interview with a recruitment agency called Office Angels yesterday. I did an hour of paperwork the night before to streamline my registration process, then the actual interview was nearly two and a half hours long! I had to go through an initial interview, a skills assessment, several personality tests, a few questionnaires, and then a final exit interview. That was just to get in with the agency. Then I had to do some more tests for the interview process in order to apply for a job at a bank called Lloyds. The position is for Telephone Banking Advisor, which quite excites me as it has nothing whatsoever to do with children. I passed part one of the four step interview on the computer; now I'm waiting for Office Angels to let me know if I passed step two. If so, I get a telephone interview with Lloyds, and if I am successful with that, I get a face to face interview.

We're on our way now to have coffee with a woman we met in Smithers at a rave nearly ten years ago. Bizarre.

Below is a picture of a Brighton Pier. It's actually six pictures stitched together, so you'll have to click on the picture to see a higher resolution, up-close view.

Today marks the end of our first week in England. I would say I have mixed feelings about being here, but in all honesty, I don't. I love it. I love that I am becoming human again; my sense of humor is returning, my sense of appreciation for things, my gratitude. My four years in Taiwan have quickly faded to the back of my memory and now seem like a distant, bad dream that I'm slowly waking from.

I've posted some pics on my facebook account of our stay so far. If you're reading this but not yet a member of facebook and want to see the pictures, you should go to facebook.com, sign up and then add me as a friend. Sorry, but I just can't be bothered to add the nearly 100 pictures to this blog, as I can only add five at a time and the process would literally take hours to do.

It's been off and on weather wise. Today it's sunny and brilliant, but the weather is coastal and temperate and moves rather more quickly than I'm used to. Last night we experienced a downpour of tropical proportions, and it was bloody brilliant to have cold rain as opposed to the hot rain I'm used to.

We're on our way now to browse some of the funky shops in the North Laines to replace some of the clothing we left behind at the Taiwan airport. I haven't yet given a full account of what went down on our trip over here, but I will soon. We've just been too busy relaxing and washing off the Taiwan for me to bother with doing things on the computer.

Brighton. Home.

It's day two for us in Brighton, and boy, are things different! Of course, they would be, wouldn't they? I've always been frustrated by people who state the obvious, so I try to not do it so much myself. For me, Brighton is very much an alien world. It's at once familiar and strange; I'm surrounded by people who are speaking my language, mostly, but I don't understand a lot of it. Some of the stores are the same, many are different. The places you'd expect to buy some items aren't in the same stores as in Canada. And of course, the money takes a bit of getting used to.

The first thing we ate here was fish and chips. Not knowing quite what to expect, we ordered one each. That was our first mistake. After quite a long wait we got our dinner and the piece of fish was bigger than my forearm! I was alarmed at the prospect of having to finish the entire fish in one go, but I sunk my teeth in and eventually did it! Had to leave some chips behind, though.

So far, I like it here. It's very typically a seaside city; the salty sea air is cool and refreshing, but hell on the architecture. There are way too many seagulls, I can already tell they are going to annoy me. Rob hated the city on first sight, found it too dirty and way too many rundown buildings and scary/weird people. However, I think it was just jet lag talking, because he's coming around now. It helps that we've got our phones and internet set up now and can communicate with the world. We're having issues getting a bank account, but it will all work out sooner than later, our flatmate Paul assures us.

One thing I already love is that we are very close to all amenities. On foot. We've been into town and back twice already today. We've had breakfast and lunch, gone to the bank to inquire about accounts, had our phones unlocked, gone to another mobile place and bought sim cards, browsed four or five houseware stores and bought various stuff for the house... I'm sure I haven't told everything. The point is: to have accomplished the same thing in Taipei would have taken at least a day or two, and we did it in a morning. Walking. Brilliant.

Actually, I'm still quite tired from the trip and adjusting, so my sentences aren't coming together as well as I'd like. We're going to head into town now, do a little shopping before the shops all close for the night, then head out to find a pint of cider at the pub.

Tomorrow is one of the biggest gay pride festivals in Europe, so I want to make sure we're rested and ready for that.

e
Hey, look! We're at the Hong Kong airport eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Coming over was a bitch, but I'll explain later, as I have exactly 12 seconds before Rob rips the computer out of my hands. Gotta run to catch my plane to London town!

almost on our way

I'm trying to take my mind off of things by blogging a bit. I'm waiting for Rob to finish getting ready, we're heading out the door soon to go down to the police department. Rob and I both have to pay our overstay fines and avoid getting put in jail. Just kidding; many people overstay their visas and out of everyone I know that has done it, only one of them has gone to jail. But he was a special case and overstayed by six years. Dumb ass.

Then we get to exchange our Taiwan dollars into British pounds, have lunch, then hop in a cab for the airport and we're off!

Cathay Pacific went and changed their baggage handling policies last minute, so it looks like we might end up paying a tremendous amount of money for the privilege of bringing an extra bag each. I'm crossing my fingers it's not too much. The hard part is they don't disclose on their website how much they'll charge. If I knew it was just a flat fee I would stuff the bags almost to capacity and just pay it. If they're going to weigh it and charge per kilo, then I can start chucking the bottom of the list items, the least important ones. Worst case scenario: they have a zero tolerance policy for overweight and make us repack the bags and send the excess on as freight.

Oh, stomach, stop somersaulting!

Great news: I got my passport, and my visa has the correct dates, and the UK visa officer dude had no questions about my visa overstay. In fact, it was so not an issue that I was tempted in the office to make it one! For all the worrying I did I might as well have just painted my hair grey.

Lesson learned; there is never any good that comes from worrying. As soon as I handed over my passport to the officer, there was absolutely nothing in my power to change anything, so whatever decision was going to be made was beyond my reach, no matter how much worrying I did.

Now, I have to pack. I have a literal mountain of clothes on my living room floor waiting to be organized into four separate bags. The challenge now is to see if I can get each bag to weigh in at under 20kg each. I might have to dump some of my old textbooks :(

Oh, and Rob is walking again. His knee seems to not be shattered, but the baby is still taking a cab to and from work (still manages to walk down the hill for starbucks, though!).

Good, great, better news

Several shots of good news got tossed at us today.

First, I get to pick up my passport from the UK visa office tomorrow. It looks like Rob was right, as usual, and the fact that I'm overstaying my Taiwan visa was of no consideration to them when granting me a date change on my UK visa.

Second, it looks like we won't have to ship anything to the UK except our computer. We are flying Cathay Pacific from Taipei to Hong Kong, which allows up to two pieces of baggage each, no heavier than 20kg each (but that's only a suggested maximum). We then transfer to British Airways for the Hong Kong to London leg, where we thought we'd be allowed one bag each, not exceeding 23kg. Rob combed the fine print of both airline's baggage policies, and it looks like British Airways respects the baggage policies of other airlines if they are included as a connection on the journey. That means they'll respect Cathay's two bags each policy. This means I don't have to throw out any clothes, WOO HOO!!

Third, the man we are going to stay with in Brighton asked me today, tentatively and apologetically, if it was OK if Rob and I sign a letting contract, as he doesn't know us except through emails and wants to cover his ass. I thought it sweet he should be so timid about it, as the contract is the only thing we absolutely need if we want to get phones right away, or bank accounts. Absolutely exciting.

I suppose this means I actually have to pack now? Nah, I'll leave it to the weekend!

Oh! Caffeine, you DEVIL!

I knew I shouldn't have had that second cup of tea. I'm wired on caffeine with nothing to do, and after three hours of solid work on the computer writing report cards and kindergarten speeches, I should be somewhere else. Like a zen garden, meditating. I feel a bit like I just took my best friend's last Ritalin, and he's passed out in the bedroom while I'm out in the living room on my roller coaster. I mean laptop.

I had procrastinated for nearly a week, trying to get out of doing the last of my teacher duties. It's hard to believe that a week from now I'll say goodbye to my title Teacher Cody (no, not Mr. Rothery, that would imply I'm qualified to do this!). No more report cards, speeches, tests, words of blessing, kissing butt to the parents, saving my butt from the director, explaining what a butt is to my Chinese assistant teacher... It will all wash away on the flight to London.

Nine days to go until we leave Taiwan. The apartment finally burst from anticipation today, and our belongings are scattered throughout. We have the good fortune that our room mate has been away in Turkey for a week and won't be back until the day we leave (we'll probably meet in the airport crossing paths, actually), so Rob has decided the best way to pack is to lay everything out in a swath on the floor to get a visual. The mountain of clothes is intimidating; I don't want to throw anything away. Clothes are expensive, and some of them hold sentimental value, so I'm torn; I also want to wash away this sloppy image of myself I've created here and want to start fresh in England. I would definitely be embarrassed walking around London dressed the way I dress here.

When we first knew that we had a tight baggage restriction, our first impulse was to ship everything that wouldn't fit in our ONE bag each. The British Airways luggage allowance is 23kg per checked bag, but they also only charge £75 per extra piece, which is about the same as shipping. The major benefit is of course having the bag when we get there, and not having to wait around for the postal services to get it to the UK. Plus, we get to keep our bag, whereas if we chose to ship, it would be contents only. I'm a little concerned with being at the other end. Will public transit allow us to travel with so much luggage on hand? Given my recent experiences with the rules and regulations the Brits like to follow, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if there was a luggage restriction on public transit.

Oh, speaking of which, I wrote a nice letter to the folks at the UK Visa office and explained my visa situation to them. They were very understanding and told me to come in with my passport and I could have my visa changed. As far as I know I don't have to pay any extra fees for this. I only hope they don't have issue with the fact that I'm officially in visa overstay mode. Rob said I shouldn't worry, though; they granted me a visa, all they are doing now is extending the date. My current Taiwan visa issues shouldn't be a concern. Cross your fingers for me, I think I'll find out tomorrow.

When in Rome...?

The old adage 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do' may have worked well for those visiting the Holy Roman Empire at it's peak, as those were dangerous times, and may still work for some travelers even today. I admit, I tried my best to fit in in Taiwan; I ate local food from street stalls and markets, I took public transit, I even started to learn Chinese - and managed to learn just enough to get by in most situations, like what to do in a taxi when you think he's driving you around, or in a restaurant when you're pretty sure that "vegetable" once had eyes.

After some time living in a strange culture, one naturally adapts to their surroundings, and some will even adopt mannerisms, good or bad, that stick with them for years after the experience. Whether it be out of survival or comfort or something else altogether is neither here nor there, but no matter how many strange customs I come across, there are some that never stuck to me.

First, public nose picking. Really, people? Even behind a hand, I can still see what you're doing! And also: it's disgusting!!
Second, plastic blue flip flops. I totally accept inexpensive ten-cent footwear on the extremely poor, but I've seen people get out of Mercedes wearing these awful night market plastic sandals.
Third, budging in line. Had I not grown up in Canada, I might take budging in line as part and parcel of daily living in a crowded urban environment, but I was raised in what I consider a civilized society and some things are just universally rude to me. Budging is near the top of the list. Nose picking, a close second.

I've had plenty of time to reminisce about the past four years in Taiwan, and now that I have less than two weeks until we leave for England, I'm trying to sum it up here on the blog. Part of it is that I want to feel like the time we've spent here hasn't been a total waste, that I'm coming out the end of it a little older and a little wiser. I suppose I can only count myself as wise if I take what I've learned here and don't repeat mistakes.

One of my only regrets, and I don't have many, is that we never traveled the island very much. Apparently, the rest of Taiwan is very beautiful, so it's unfortunate and unfair that the view of Taiwan that will remain in my mind is of an overcrowded, polluted city, when it's hardly representative of the whole country.

I am trying to get in what I can, though, in my own little corner of Taiwan. I've been eating some things I'm pretty sure I won't get anywhere else, like onion pancakes and bubble tea (I had the bubble tea in Canada, and it's just not the same as where is was invented!). I've also been hiking up Tianmu Trail on a semi-weekly basis, which winds steeply up the side of the mountain, and the photos here and in the post above are from my most recent hike (um, I mean, stair climb). Make what you want of them, as they're pretty self-descriptive. Butterflies, dragonflies, trees, mud, palm trees, heat. Yep, that pretty much sums up Taiwan: bugs, mud, and heat!

There are days, though, when I don't feel like climbing a mountain in 35 degree heat, so I climb the semi air conditioned stairwells at the mall. No joke. Takashimaya, the mall nearest my apartment, is 12 storeys, not including the 5 levels of basement, and each floor has two flights of stairs. Four times up and down amounts to 96 flights of stairs in 20 minutes; and yes, my butt still hurts!

A FLAT!

Well, it looks like we found a flat, for real this time! The location is absolutely perfect: two minutes walk south and you're at the sea, and two minutes north you're in the centre of one of the funkier shopping/eating districts, the North Laines. So great. Also, the rent is only £500, bills included. We're going to pay twice as much for a bedroom in Brighton than our three bedroom flat in Taipei, but it will be well worth it. In addition, the guy who owns the flat is a gay; could be a problem, I heard that gays are shit roommates. Check out the video of the flat he kindly shot for us. Our bedroom will be the big one, thankfully.

Yes, the flat is in need of a major decoration overhaul. I'm prepared to put in some hard labour to get the rooms up to a suitable living condition as long as he's ready to buy supplies. And gin!

Ed. note: We've removed the video due to privacy concerns. Anyone wishing to view the video may request so via email. Thanks!

goddamnmotherfuckincocksuckinpricks

This is a little frustrating, but I'm taking it in stride. I'm really tired of dealing with visas and passports and work permits and government officials. Really. Hopefully it will all be over soon... Ok, so here's what happened today:

My work permit/visa/ARC (alien resident card) for Taiwan expires on Friday, and according to the immigration website I can get a 1 year extension on the visa. I had all the necessary documents, went in to the office and applied for the extension. Ok. The officer was very helpful and everything went smoothly; he had stamped and dated everything in the right places, switched my visa into my new passport and everything was great. That is, until he made me photocopy my work permit letter. I came back from the photocopier, and as he was scanning the documents a final time he noticed that the work permit letter from my school was the one I had used last year, and that in order to get an extension on my visa I would need to get a new letter, a new health check and THEN reapply. Of course, this is ridiculous, because that is the process for getting an entirely new visa, not an extension of a current visa. And also that process takes one to three weeks, whereas I have only three days until the ARC expires. When I told this to the officer he shrugged, like, "Sorry, pal, I don't make the rules."

My boss is currently researching the internets and calling officials to see if anything can be done. I'm not holding my breath. What will I do if it expires? Well, one option is to leave the country Friday night and come back Saturday on a visitor's visa, which will cost me hundreds of dollars. Another option, although highly frowned upon, is to overstay my visa. I'll end up having to pay about $100 fine, plus I'll have a nasty stamp in my passport, which might make entering the UK rather tricky. Hopefully the UK visa officials don't read my blog. Or if they do, they take my story into consideration and let me in.

Cross your fingers.

Did they screw it up?

I got my visa the other day, right? And I should be ecstatic about it, but I noticed the dates in the visa were a little off what they should be, I'm a little worried and therefore less than ecstatic. Here's my issue: I received a two year visa, but I won't be traveling for another month, which means that the visa will only be valid for 23 months. If I want to apply for a permanent resident visa down the road, which I think I will, I need to have lived in the country for two years. That's 24 months. I can't apply for the visa more than 28 days in advance, which makes me short by 2 days. I can apply for an extension on my visa to cover the two days, but that will cost me £395 ($797CDN).

This is a mistake. I hope it is. I stated clearly, both in writing on my application and verbally in my interview that my intended travel date is July 30. So why does the visa expire on July 1? I want to believe that this is an honest, correctable mistake, and that the visa officers aren't just f*cking with my head. Could it be that when I do actually travel, the immigration officer will stamp my passport and my date of entry to the country will be my actual beginning of my visa? I've written to the visa office here in Taipei to ask that very question. I'm holding my breath.

Rolling ball of momentum

Today was the day of my final interview with the *lovely* people at the British Trade Office, and the final step in the application process for my UK Settlement visa. The interview was conducted by a very large, cold and angry man with an uncanny resemblence to Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but with a muddled Scotch/Welsh accent (I think?). The interview itself was every bit as terrifying as I expected it would be. The mean man made me felt like a convict, like I was filth and how very DARE I even attempt immigrating to Britain. The questions were more difficult than any job interview I've ever had, and I've never known my palms to sweat like that. He made me describe the beginning our relationship, what we planned on doing for work in the UK, what we would do if plans didn't work out and who I thought would bail us out of catastrophe. In the end, after all the hard questions were out of the way, he looked at me sternly in the eye, crossing and uncrossing his fingers in contemplation and said, "Well, I have no troubles issuing you a visa today." And then he chuckled.

He KNEW! The whole time I was sitting there in a sweaty wreck he KNEW it and he LOVED it! I bet the Home Office specifically hires only sadistic bastards with a thorough past in psychological torture. We joked around a bit while we were closing the interview, which was relieving and infuriating at the same time.

In other news, Rob got a new job today. He starts tomorrow at a school called AlphaBeta, which is my old school, and will work until the end of the month. Great news for two reasons: this adds a little more to the coffers, which by my calculations works out to be about a month of living costs in the UK. Also, this gets him off my back so I can pack the house in peace!

Also, we may have already found a flat to rent in Brighton with a lovely girl from Prague, who may or may not be an illegal alien. I didn't ask, her English was passable so I thought it rude to ask if she was there legally. Not that it's any of my concern in the longrun, I just like to know who I'm dealing with. The flat (apartment for you Canadian folk) is a bedroom in a house about 15 minutes walk from the center of Brighton, all bills included for £600 per month (just over $1200CDN per month. For a bedroom in a house. Yikes). Want to see if it's worth it? Check out the pics she sent me. I tried to put them below this, but they are above. Up there, you've seen them already, and now you know what they are!

Well, I'll try to blog more often now that we are for sure moving to England at the end of the month. July is going to go by fast, so stay tuned for more updates!

Officially we have 37 days left on this island, and the time is starting to go by quickly.

We bought our tickets to England on the computer two nights ago. I got to press the button, but it was very anticlimactic. I think it might have been different if it was a sure thing. Yes, we have tickets, so that means we will be on that flight to England; however, I still don't have my visa, nor a guarantee that I will get approved for one, so our fate is still in the hand of the people at the Home Office. When I have that visa in my passport, the villagers will rejoice; until then, I'm holding my breath, almost literally.

There's a typhoon heading our way, but no worries, it'll dessicate the Phillippines and then likely die out before it hits Taiwan. Even if it does reach this island it will hit the south end first and die out that way. In any event, I'll keep an eye on it and let you know we are still safe if it does hit the city. If you want to follow the typhoon yourself you can check out the Taiwan Weather Bureau website, http://cwb.gov.tw/V5e/index.htm.

Rob has one more week of work until he's finished being an English teacher in Taiwan, and I work fully until July 25th. I'm ok with that, my mister needs a break before we leave this country. Also, he's quitting smoking again starting his first full day off, so he'll need a little space in which to "cope" with that.

Anyway, I've been meaning to post something, anything for weeks and weeks, and this is pretty much all I've got.

ciao for now. xxx

Gay Ninja

Ok, seriously, I had way too much wine that night. Gay ninja? What? That's a the biggest burst of energy from me than I've had in months!
The story behind the video is that while at my curry party Mag was showing me youtubes of some guy who has a hundred uses for a shirt, and one of the uses is being able to make a ninja headscarf thing. Apparently pink is the gay ninja color. I just happen to have a pink t-shirt (what luck!) and then things just got out of hand.

Embedded Video

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That new job totally sucked!

Rob was commissioned last week by a woman he used to work with at a previous school to do some translation services. At first the job looked totally sweet; all he had to do was quickly proofread some articles that were written in Chinese and English for any major errors, then record the English in his own voice so that the recordings could be uploaded to a website the following day. This was supposedly going to take him about two hours of work every night, and a small sacrifice to make for nearly a thousand dollars a month!

Well, you know what they say about things that seem to good to be true...

On the fourth day of our trial (I say our trial because by this point the workload had become so heavy that it was taking both of us the better part of the night to complete. But I'm getting ahead of myself), we thought we finally had everything down pat: I was going to handle the editing end, then hand the files over to Rob to record the voice part. Well, easier said than done.

There were too many mistakes in the editing. Oh, the editing style wasn't great. Rob speaks to fast. Rob speaks to slow. Rob speaks like a retard. Could you try speaking a little slower, but only on select words? Your voice is starting to sound a little exhasted... (This comment irritatingly added after the fourth RE-recording of one file).

A job that was promised to take only about two hours of Rob's time took us both more than five hours last night and we only finished three quarters of the recordings.

Now, just so you can see that it's not just me, I'll give you a few of the sentences that I was expected to edit. Bear in mind that these were the worst of the three writers that were on the submission team. Ironically, it's the head of the team! Ok, get ready for some bad English, here we go:

The taking out food need to have it to pack with for dinner and the late night snack the convenient plastic bag will not be forgettable to use.

...

Many people only eat vegetable without meat appetite may easily feel hungry and eat more starchy food invisibly. By this method, human body will induce severe burden with the certain causation of increasing the rate of blood sugar, especially to the chronic patients.

...

Due to the domestic rice has achieve to self-sufficiency, three month of safety deposit still remained presently and the fallow lands have run up to 220,000 hectares.

...

Anyway, that's all the complaining I'm going to be doing for one day. I'm truly grateful now that I have my nights and my boyfriend back, and we'll just have to figure out a different way of making up that extra cash necessary for the trip.

For more English mix-ups and other such fun and nonsense, check out engrish.com

Spring into...

Just a few shots from that photo hunt I went on the other day.

Those pink things are supposedly edible. I know this only because they were sitting outside a bakery. Anything that is that particular shade of fuschia and doesn't melt in 30+ degrees is not edible in my books!

I've decided also that I need to venture further than three blocks from my house on the next photo venture. I think I have sixty shots of the same bushes from five different walks. The city just lacks any sort of inspiration for me... Actually, now that I say that, I think my next project is to capture the essence of night markets: the noxious neon, the raucous teenagers, the cacophonous cabbies... if only smell-0-vision existed for my camera, I could share the unique odors as well! (No, you don't want that, actually).

Hunting for summer

If these were cave man days and my form of artistic expression and broadcast media were limited to cave drawings, I would be marking this day as the first official day of summer in wide swaths of charcoal. And also, I'd probably be hiding in my cave, where it's cool, and where I wouldn't have to deal with the heat induced ill-tempered cave peoples.

Of course it's not really the first official day of summer; I am familiar with how to read the Gregorian calendar. However, local forecasters are tagging the city at 32 degrees celsius in the shade, and that, to me, is summer weather by any standards. Clear blue sky on top of that, you'd think we'd be rushing out with sunscreen and shorts, cartwheeling in parks, frolicking barefooted with carefree ease. That was my natural first instinct when I woke up to see the clear blue sky this morning, and after a full winter of complaining about the cold and feeling like a monkey in a cage I'm certainly ready to leave the house a bit more. But am I really ready to deal with this heat?

For the time being the weather outside isn't quite hot enough to reach us in our inner sanctum, meaning we don't have to rely on the air conditioners or the space heater to make a comfortable temperature.

For the sake of my sanity and yours, I'll stop rambling now. I'm going to finish my strawberry-pineapple-papaya shake, grab my camera and head out of doors to see if there's anything to see. I go with optimism. Wish me luck that on my photo hunt I'm able to shoot anything worth it's meat.

Bunnies, eggs, adhd

Easter would have passed me by once again if it hadn't been for my overzealous co-teacher, always on the ball and on the lookout for the next best photo opportunity. We took the school to the park and had a gigantic treasure hunt. No eggs were harmed in the event, and even though they were touting it as an "Easter Egg Hunt," the kids were searching for small Ziploc parcels of silver Hershey's Kisses. FYI: chocolate has a pretty low melting point, and having a chocolate hunting party in 28 degree sunshine makes baggies of chocolate soup!

We painted eggs in class again this year, and once again my co-teacher Jenny decided against taking my advice on not draining the insides. Giving hollowed-out eggs to five year olds and expecting them to be gentle with the fragile packages whilst painting them is a pretty tall order. We know this from last year; we had many egg casualties and many tears. To my surprise, this year was nearly a complete success as we only had one broken egg. The shit-for-brains kid who dented his egg was the same one who ruined my Five Tastes science experiment by spitting his salty taste back into the common bowl. That was the closest I've ever come to hitting a child. And I'm completely within my rights to call him whatever name comes to mind, because he is in fact a complete tosser. However, at school he'd never know that I didn't think he was my bff. This is my version of being professional, I suppose.

To go off on a tangent momentarily, I often wonder about this boy and his wild and erratic behavior. Is he this rambunctious naturally, or does he act out because he's the only Caucasian in the class? Or is it the overbearing mother? I suppose it must be all of the above, each to some degree. My knowledge of early childhood education and development comes solely from my immersion in teaching, and not through any bookwork.

The bunny eggs turned out well, and the kids were happy with the results, which is the reason we do these crafts, right? One of the bunnies, sadly, will never see properly again.

Spring, Sunshine, Sunburns

Happy Easter, and Happy Spring!

It has only been a few short weeks since I last blogged, and I remember writing the last blog in my warm pyjamas and slippers on my feet, and a hot tea in hand to warm against the frigid winter air. What a change in weather today; bright blue skies, at least for the better part of the morning, and 26 degrees.

My class took a trip to Chiang Kai Shek Residence for a picnic and to view the acres of flower gardens. In fact, I never got to see any residence, just row after row of roses and cabbage-looking things. Oh, of course there was a cafe to by ice lollies and coffees, but there were far too many people in queue to even consider it. My jeans and polo shirt were definitely not an appropriate choice for such a hot day. I actually like that the seasons change with such abruptness here; at least it's predictable. Ooh, and also, happy first sunburn of the year! Go, go melanoma! Just kidding. No, not kidding, melanoma isn't funny. Sorry.

We had a very lovely picnic, and actually it was so typical of what I remember picnics to be from my younger years that I hardly noticed I wasn't supposed to be enjoying myself. Well, considering how much I was hating this winter, I was quite taken aback by my relaxedness today. We played games and threw balls and ate junk food and got cranky from too much sun. I broke up fights and bandaged some wounds, both physical and emotional. There were about seventy five thousand too many people at the park, literally, but I found that I was able to ignore the crowds and just enjoy the moment.

I think that we were all enjoying the first real day of good warm weather, and it shows on their faces. I was going to say that the kids were praising the sun, but I was playing fetch with them and the picture was a little bit staged. :) Yep, I'm not above subjecting my students to fetching just for a photo-op!

One of the memories that stick out for me from elementary school was playing with the giant nylon parachute; how we would whip it up and around, creating a storm system of synthetic waves and undulations. How we would bring it low, then quickly overhead, darting underneath and tucking it under our bums, the parachute sinking slowly, slowly, silhouetting our bodies like psychedelic snow under rocks, us lost in a world hidden from reality.

The picture of the still-closed rose seems cold, bleak and uninviting, a bizarre juxtaposition to the sweat that was dripping down my forehead when I snapped the shot. I was going to post-process some vibrancy into the petals, but then I was reminded that everyone has their own way of dealing with the changing of seasons and weather, even flowers.

Just a short update: Rob never got to have his meeting with the bosses yesterday because one of them, Kimberley, suddenly had to go to the hospital. Presumably this was because of her dad, although no reason was given and I suppose none should have been expected. None of my business, I get it. How convenient, though, that she had a hospital emergency the moment she was going to have to confront Rob in a face to face meeting and deal with her own managerial incompetence.

I actually think this is a good sign, because it means they're afraid.

Here is a picture of the alley where we live. The speed bump in the foreground points to the entrance of our stairwell on the left. In an apartment complex of 12-14 identical buildings, the sign at the end of the street is the only clear indication that I'm in the right alley. Let's hope they don't rent out that space too soon, or I'll be lost in my own neighborhood!

We've been feeling a little bit like frogs in hot water recently. You know the old adage: place a frog into boiling water and it'll jump out; put the same frog in cold water and apply heat, you have a cooked frog.

Although I don't mean to belittle the experience of Jews in Nazi Germany by any means, I sometimes do feel like I know to some extent what they went through in the years leading up to the concentration camps. Hitler didn't just suddenly round up the jews and the gays and ship them off. His process was a very slow and dedicated method of stripping the jews of their rights and freedoms, one at a time. I suppose one must have thought, "Well, we can't go to the market on Tuesdays anymore. Well, what can you do? We still have the rest of the week." And on this note Hitler was able to suppress any uprising by doing it slowly and methodically.

My point is that schools here, and mine is the case in point, have a tendency to hook you into working for them, and then slowly and continuously pile on the work, contractual obligations and promises be damned, until it reaches a breaking point. I haven't had to suffer this so much recently as I work solely in the kindergarten, so my kids don't have as much homework and tests as the older kids do (but they DO get some homework, almost everyday. These are four and five year olds. With homework. It's sick).

Rob's getting the shit absolutely thrown at him: they are demanding nearly four hours of out of class work per week, unpaid, which includes creating homework and tests, marking the homework and tests, as well as writing daily personal records in each of their communication books that get sent home to the parents. The most recent disgrace is that, even if he spends several hours creating the tests and homework on the weekend, the boss can say that she doesn't like it, change anything she deems unfit, and then not pay him for the work because it wasn't good enough.

Oh, and they also wouldn't mind if he could teach them the material in the curriculum as well. Did I mention that his Chinese co-teacher quit suddenly a few weeks ago, and there hasn't been even a whisper of a replacement? That means he has the work of three people now, as the co-teachers usually do double the work of a normal person, for half the pay and double the hours. Did that make any sense? Basically we make six times what they do.

The administration are walking on thin ice treating Rob in this abusive manner. He's ready to pack up and go, and frankly if he loses his job today, they don't lose only him, I'll be right behind him, quitting on his heels. They may think they can afford to fuck with him, but the school is in dire straights recently and I know they'd be rather screwed if they lost two teachers mid-semester; the parents just wouldn't put up with it and the school would see many kids pulled. Thankfully, Rob has a meeting today with both of the directors of the school to see if he can't get something resolved. I think he's going to ask to either be paid for his time, no questions, or get out of creating the extra homework and tests, especially if they are going to claim veto power.

I just want to add that we are aware that "real" teachers in the west are overworked and underpaid and have all worlds of extra work that they are expected to do. However, I do believe that this is laid out in contracts, and is a known aspect of the job, so it doesn't come as a surprise to them when this happens. For us, we were hired for a job and they are slowly cooking us alive with these menial tasks and downright disrespectful and abusive behavior.

Will keep you posted.

Some lot of good these sign posts are going to do you if you get lost!!


Those statues are the welcoming committee outside the cultural center in xinbeitou. We very nearly went in, too, but had very little cash on us. Next time.

Also outside the cultural center was an amazing and ingeniously carved barricade or fence... Wooden stumps with iron faces holding hands. So creative!




Right, then in the park by our house I decided to try to haul my fatass to the top of the pole. I was surprised by my success! Look carefully and note the absence of a ladder or steps. Will note location of the pole should I ever get chased by a dog whilst beside this park.

More Pics from XinBeiTou trip

Rob straddling a pig. Mmm, sexy! He loves riling up the locals...

Rob by steamy hot springs. Locals often come to cook eggs here. Yes, I think making eggs taste as if they've gone bad is a really great idea, too.

Man in window.

Hot Springs info. To paraphrase: Really hot sulhpuric and acidic water from a volcanic source, one of only two in the world of it's kind.

A lot of people will actually go downstream from the source to soak their feet, as the water has cooled considerably by this point. You won't catch me in there; I'm not convinced that all the grey water from the hotels' hot spring baths isn't just dumped right back into the stream.

Xin Bei Tou Hot Springs

We awoke this morning to a crisp blue sky and twenty degrees, absolutely the most perfect weather for leaving the house and making new discoveries. As is usually the case with us (in Taipei), we were hard pressed to come up with anything interesting to do. After a frustrating half hour or so wandering around bumping into the locals, Rob decided we'd return to one of our old haunts: Xin Bei Tou.

We lived near, in and around the Xin Bei Tou hot springs for a month with our Hungarian friend Gabi, about two years ago. The trek up the hill brings one past several hotels that take advantage of the natural hot spring, as they pipe the water in to offer their guests privacy while luxuriating in sulfur baths, at a hefty premium of course. Our apartment also had one of these feeds, so our bathwater could be hot spring water or regular water, or any combination we desired. The hot spring stuff is pretty hot, 80 to 100 celsius, so you either have to dilute it, or run the bath several hours in advance for the undiluted variation. We definitely never took full advantage of those baths!

The pics in the post after this are also from the same journey.

Check out the picture of the shops; there's one called "Come Come Club Bar." Priceless.

Long, hard road out of hell

When I bring my mouse's cursor down to the lower-right corner of my monitor, my desktop flies to the background and up pops my dashboard, revealing a myriad of widgets; weather in four cities, time, conversion thingies for currencies and such. The one I have had my eye on most in recent times has been my countdown clock, and today it reads 155 days, 22 hours. That's how much time I have left on this island, and I'm beginning to look forward to the end.

We just came out the other side of the coldest winter Taiwan has experienced in nearly 50 years. For those unacquainted to spending winter in the subtropics, this means temperatures dropping to 8 or 9 degrees celsius for nearly one month, with no central heating at home or work. My feet were ice blocks for a month, and my room was absolutely glacial, I could see my breath! In my room! Seems little to complain about when some of my friends had to endure -50 degrees or below at times in the prairies of Canada.

I definitely feel as though one must feel after waking from a long, deep hibernation. You know, if one were a bear. I feel like the cobwebs are being dusted off and I'm beginning to discard the cold, bitter shell of a personality I had constructed for myself. In that, I'm beginning to read and draw and paint again, and also take pictures. (see below, some random shots, and my current/last kindergarten class pic ever).

The days are warming quickly, and we have gone from three blankets and a space heater to two blankets with no electric heating in the space of only three days. I'm sure we'll see the end of the weekend with only one blanket, and then it won't be long before we're on the heels of summer, when even a sheet is unbearable in the sticky, humid nights.

Our plans are still to head to England this fall, and most likely we'll still be looking to settle in Brighton, right down on the southeast coast. Rob should have his UK Passport in his hands by Monday, which is fantastic news because it was seeming there for awhile like we weren't doing anything to accomplish our goals; having his passport is one major hurdle cleared. Next hurdle: my visa. Now, this should have been a relatively simple and straightforward process as far as applying for indefinite leave to remain is concerned (Indefinite Leave to Remain is the fancy-pants British way of saying 'settlement').

Unfortunately the UK Home Office is unveiling new plans to make the process of immigration not only more expensive (AGAIN!) but also more difficult. There is no clear plan laid out yet, but it looks like I'll have several levels to complete, including studying and taking a history/general UK knowledge testing, difficult enough that in a facebook test only 14% of British citizens were able to pass, as well as English language testing and having to pay into some sort of immigration fund, which is a glorified umbrella term for what is really just a tax. This in addition to the fact that my visa is going to cost me well over
$1000CDN. Ouch. Will keep y'all posted of developments.

THE PICTURES:

1. Carleton International School, where Rob and I currently work.
2. Two of my brightest students, Isabelle and Yusei, adding the finishing touches to their Mickey Mouse lanterns. Children carry lanterns to signify the end of the Chinese Lunar New Year celebrations. It's the year of the rat, and Mickey Mouse is probably the most famous rodent and thus fits the bill for most commercially viable mascot.
3. This is not a joke, it is indeed the Taiwanese version of a plus-sized-women's clothing store. The model in the window couldn't be more than a six or eight, but I'm no expert.
4. My current class at the kindergarten. Just lost a student named Wendy, but she was the devil personified and we are all the happier for her departure.
5. Teacher Rob and his merry bunch. That's our boss. Kimberly, off to the left, acting as an assistant after Rob's Chinese co-teacher quit suddenly last week.